Decisons, Decisions!

Throughout my life I have been dreaming about going to college. I was raised in a family who went to college and now has Master’s Degrees. I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself throughout High School to get the good grades and a high GPA that was expected of me. I made goals for myself. I told myself what I wanted to do and how I thought I would get there. But as I think about everything now, that road has changed. I have higher expectations, a bigger goal and an even bigger responsibility.

            I’m sure a majority of individuals have this dream, but many do not get the chance to live it. I have been given an opportunity to go to college, but having a child makes this decision much more difficult. Taking care of a toddler and being a full time student doesn’t seem like the dream. But this is my life and it’s what I have to do.

            I have applied to different schools, both close and far from home. I’m hesitant on whether I want to live far from my family or stay close. I’ve been accepted to Northern Arizona University, Utah State University, Fort Lewis College, and Northland Pioneer College. I’ve been slowly eliminating colleges. I’ve eliminated Fort Lewis College because they do not offer a nursing program and I’ve eliminated Northern Arizona University because of the high cost of living.

            This past week I found out I have been offered the Presidential Scholarship from Utah State University. It is supposed to be an honor, right?  But I don’t feel the way one is supposed to feel when one is thrown a free educational opportunity. I am thankful they believe in my potential and all the hard work through High School has paid off. But I’m confused and worried. How do I go through a University with a child? I’ve heard many college students without kids complain that college is hard, that you have to be totally committed and it’s a lot of work. So how do I do it?

            In the past, my mom has offered to keep Jaken here at home while I am off at college but how do I do that? The thought of leaving my son to go to college is frightening. I’ve been with my little boy since he was born and I’m not ready to let someone else raise him when it’s my job. The thought of leaving him for a day is difficult enough, how am I going to do it for a week? So leaving my son here is not an option for me. I want to take him with me, to go through the challenge together. I want him to see that I am working through the challenges for him.

            With everything screaming in my head, “Just stay close to home!” I want to take the challenge of going to university. Yes, this scares me so much but I have to do it for myself and most of all Jaken. I may not go to University but there is also the chance. I have already gone through come challenges with having a kid, but within me I believe I am strong enough to jump past this next big challenge if I get past my fears of leaving. So with this I say, jump past your fears, take the next bigger step. It’s your life and your decisions, choose what you want to do. It may not be what everyone expects of you, but that’s what makes you different.