Reconnecting

A few months ago I was given the opportunity to reconnect with my father. In English class was the first time I thought of reconnecting with my dad when we were asked to think of a Bucket List. I began to think about my father. I hadn’t seen him in a decade and I began to wonder if I ever crossed his mind. As I sat there writing everything I could think of, I suddenly started writing reconnect with my father. Would he remember me? Would he be upset about me trying to find him?

            On a Tuesday I finally got the courage to call my dad’s work. I thought about what I would say, rehearsing it in my head.  As I made the call everything slipped away. I talked to my dad’s co-worker who told me that he had taken leave to arrange my grandfather’s funeral. I couldn’t believe it. I had missed the chance to see my grandfather again, but most of all Jaken would not get the chance to meet him. We went to the funeral gathering where I knew I would see my father again. I walked into the house holding Jaken in my arms and Daniel walking behind me.  I took a glance around the room and I saw him. I did not think I would recognize him but I did. I introduced Jaken and Daniel to my dad. He gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. He was very quiet but I didn’t blame him, his father had just passed away.

            That Saturday I attended the funeral where I met his family. I was not sure they knew who I was, or wonder why I had not met them for so long. I was nervous but happy about where it was going.

            I think about our relationship now and it feels as if we never met. I went into their lives so quickly and now it seems I have disappeared again. I have not seen them once within the last couple of months. I had wanted to be apart of their family for so long and now I am allowing it to slip away again. I have been invited to a couple of parties but have missed each of them because of other planned activities or bad weather. I can’t help but feel bad that I am letting my dad down again by not going out to get to know them more. He has not been in my life for a long time but I don’t hate him. He is my dad and he will always be my dad. I am most afraid that we will grow apart again and everything returns to the way it use to be.

            I am definitely trying to keep in touch with my father. I want to be in his life and him to be in mine. I want him to be there for me during my greatest achievements and my wedding when Daniel and I are ready. Most of all, I want him to be in Jaken’s life. So with this I say, remember the people that love you. They are in your life for a reason. They will be there to strengthen you during your hardest times and also your happiest. 

Remember where you came from

           Being little was simple; not having to worry about being late, having easy homework and having no care in the world about how dirty you are and how major your tan is. I see being little as being able to discover anything and every trip being an adventure. When you’re young you have the energy to play, play and play some more. Each day brought something different; riding horses, playing in the ditches, playing tag, or doing anything one could think about.

            As I go out to my grandma’s house every weekend, I think about my childhood. I think about riding horses with my grandma, playing in the chaha’oh (shade house) with my cousin Amanda, and having those huge water fights during the hot summer days. Amanda and I played on the clothes line, swinging back and forth and doing flips like we were gymnasts. As I think about it now, I can imagine how ridiculous we look, pretended to cook sand and serving imaginary people at the table. But isn’t that what childhood is all about?

             

            I am the youngest out of my two sisters; we of course fought like siblings do. I followed them around when they did not want me around and they wouldn’t play with me when I asked. I was the little sister they did not want to be seen with or play with. When they said no to play, I escaped. I escaped to the ditches to pretend and imagine, I rode my bike far and didn’t go home for hours. I don’t blame them; I talked and laughed too much. But on those days I escaped, I went with my cousin, but also my best friend Amanda. We laughed and cried together, she was my little sister that I always wanted.

            As I drive through my grandma’s land I can imagine being little and playing with Amanda every single day. I go back to the places we played but I notice everything is different. Everything we once played with is getting old and being torn down by the wind, rain and snow. Our playground is slowly fading away, and I have become afraid of going into our chaha’oh where we once played house.

            Every weekend I go to my grandma’s, but each time I feel sadness in my heart that we will never play like we did. I see Amanda every single day at school; she still has the same personality, and being the funniest person I have ever met. We have grown taller, become smarter and grew apart. But deep down I know we will always remember those hot summer days we played and laughed together. So thank you Amanda, thank you for making my childhood the greatest. 

           
            I love to think about my childhood, it has created who I am today. So with this I say, remember where you came from, it is what molded you into who are today. Your childhood either good or bad has taught you lessons, it may not be hard lessons but it was the beginning of your life.