T'aa who aji' t'eego!

When I was young my mother raised my sister’s and me, she was a single parent and is to this day. I have a lot of memories of her lecturing us. She would say, “Be responsible for your actions, be honest and trustworthy.” As a little ten year old I sucked it all in like a sponge. I would try my best to help her in any way I could but I was still only ten. Playing was the only thing on my mind.  Some would think my mother is strict and mean. But, like other mothers, she wants the best for her girls.  She knows our limits and she pushed us past them. She would speak to me in Navajo and say,  “T’aa hwo aji’ t’eego” which means, “Do it yourself.” Within the next few years I fell of course of her teachings, I broke some but also made some up.

In eighth grade I met my boyfriend Daniel. We began as friends, and then slowly we grew closer. We started dating but at the time it did not mean much. We were only in eighth grade. Many people did not take young relationships well; we were of course, “too young”. We thought we were in love at the time but really we just surely liked each other, you see love can be easily mistaken for, even at thirteen. Daniel and I kept dating into high school. I was not allowed to date but I kept this from my mother. She knew I talked to him, but I always said, “Were just friends.” But as time went on, she found out. I broke this honesty and trust with my mother by lying.

         My sophomore year in high school she got use to the fact that I had a boyfriend, and then I got pregnant. This is another huge step to take in. She would always say, “No hanky-panky.”  Which in our words means, “No Sex.” We did not listen, Daniel and I thought it would never happen to us, but it did!  I betrayed my mother’s rules and teaching by going behind her back, not being trustworthy and honest again.

         As I think about Daniel and I four years ago, we were nowhere ready to be parents. We were young, childish and irresponsible. I could see in my family’s eyes that they were afraid for us. My mom prayed every chance she got but I did not think much of it. I had taken care of my nieces but little did I know. I watched my nieces for a couple hours then hand them back over to their parents. This time I had no one to hand Jaken to when I was tired or had to leave. You see having a child in high school is difficult. Having a baby makes you grow up in a blink of an eye. You have another person to be responsible for other than your self. I did not listen to my mom, she told me all the rights and wrong but I did them anyway. As of now, Daniel and I are raising our son ourselves. We have a huge support system but someday we want to really be out on our own, doing it ourselves. I love Jaken with all my heart and I believe I am slowly gaining back what I lost from my mom.

         So my important lesson is: Listen to your parents. They just want what’s best for their children. Our parents have gone through what we have, it’s not easy for them to see their own children go through it. So try to cooperate, they love you and want what’s best for their little kiddos. 

Will Never Forget You!

It’s interesting how much kids can put your life into perspective. Before I had Jaken I had not seen my life clearly. I knew what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go and what I wanted to become but I was still young to be completely sure. I may still be considered a teenager because of my age but as I hear the words “mommy” coming out of my little boy’s mouth I don’t feel like a seventeen year old.

            Having a child in high school is not the easiest. Everyday I leave before my baby wakes up and come home late in the evening. I spend the day two hours away from him, the worry of how I will provide for us is constantly on my mind. I love being in school but I dislike the feeling of being away from my little boy. It’s hard but this is what I have to do to make our future the best for us.

            My senior year in high school and I am afraid to be out there alone with my family. At the beginning of the year I came upon some struggles with college and what I wanted to do. I would walk into the career center to have a little chat with Mrs. White. I heard from Daniel that they grew up around her family and their horses. As I walked into her office she would always have the biggest smile with the most polite hello. I found my self-walking into her office whenever I needed someone to speak with. She would listen to my struggles and complaints and I hers. We spoke about everything going on in our lives and shared stories. She would ask about Jaken and how we were all doing. I connected with her in such a short time. I have know her a short time but she had a great impact on my life. 

            In such a short time I began to see her as my friend. I listened to her stories, heard and saw the worry. As we go through our own problems, we somehow come together during the week to talk. Mrs. White is an amazing person. She is motherly, strong and independent. It may be odd to some people but I am more than glad that I met her. The stories of her life make me wonder about my future. I one day want to be like her. She has gone through so much in her life and she is still determined and strong.

            Thank you Mrs. White for being here for me through my struggles. You helped me determine where I want to go for college and you are always here for my family and I. 

Reconnecting

A few months ago I was given the opportunity to reconnect with my father. In English class was the first time I thought of reconnecting with my dad when we were asked to think of a Bucket List. I began to think about my father. I hadn’t seen him in a decade and I began to wonder if I ever crossed his mind. As I sat there writing everything I could think of, I suddenly started writing reconnect with my father. Would he remember me? Would he be upset about me trying to find him?

            On a Tuesday I finally got the courage to call my dad’s work. I thought about what I would say, rehearsing it in my head.  As I made the call everything slipped away. I talked to my dad’s co-worker who told me that he had taken leave to arrange my grandfather’s funeral. I couldn’t believe it. I had missed the chance to see my grandfather again, but most of all Jaken would not get the chance to meet him. We went to the funeral gathering where I knew I would see my father again. I walked into the house holding Jaken in my arms and Daniel walking behind me.  I took a glance around the room and I saw him. I did not think I would recognize him but I did. I introduced Jaken and Daniel to my dad. He gave me a hug and asked how I was doing. He was very quiet but I didn’t blame him, his father had just passed away.

            That Saturday I attended the funeral where I met his family. I was not sure they knew who I was, or wonder why I had not met them for so long. I was nervous but happy about where it was going.

            I think about our relationship now and it feels as if we never met. I went into their lives so quickly and now it seems I have disappeared again. I have not seen them once within the last couple of months. I had wanted to be apart of their family for so long and now I am allowing it to slip away again. I have been invited to a couple of parties but have missed each of them because of other planned activities or bad weather. I can’t help but feel bad that I am letting my dad down again by not going out to get to know them more. He has not been in my life for a long time but I don’t hate him. He is my dad and he will always be my dad. I am most afraid that we will grow apart again and everything returns to the way it use to be.

            I am definitely trying to keep in touch with my father. I want to be in his life and him to be in mine. I want him to be there for me during my greatest achievements and my wedding when Daniel and I are ready. Most of all, I want him to be in Jaken’s life. So with this I say, remember the people that love you. They are in your life for a reason. They will be there to strengthen you during your hardest times and also your happiest. 

Remember where you came from

           Being little was simple; not having to worry about being late, having easy homework and having no care in the world about how dirty you are and how major your tan is. I see being little as being able to discover anything and every trip being an adventure. When you’re young you have the energy to play, play and play some more. Each day brought something different; riding horses, playing in the ditches, playing tag, or doing anything one could think about.

            As I go out to my grandma’s house every weekend, I think about my childhood. I think about riding horses with my grandma, playing in the chaha’oh (shade house) with my cousin Amanda, and having those huge water fights during the hot summer days. Amanda and I played on the clothes line, swinging back and forth and doing flips like we were gymnasts. As I think about it now, I can imagine how ridiculous we look, pretended to cook sand and serving imaginary people at the table. But isn’t that what childhood is all about?

             

            I am the youngest out of my two sisters; we of course fought like siblings do. I followed them around when they did not want me around and they wouldn’t play with me when I asked. I was the little sister they did not want to be seen with or play with. When they said no to play, I escaped. I escaped to the ditches to pretend and imagine, I rode my bike far and didn’t go home for hours. I don’t blame them; I talked and laughed too much. But on those days I escaped, I went with my cousin, but also my best friend Amanda. We laughed and cried together, she was my little sister that I always wanted.

            As I drive through my grandma’s land I can imagine being little and playing with Amanda every single day. I go back to the places we played but I notice everything is different. Everything we once played with is getting old and being torn down by the wind, rain and snow. Our playground is slowly fading away, and I have become afraid of going into our chaha’oh where we once played house.

            Every weekend I go to my grandma’s, but each time I feel sadness in my heart that we will never play like we did. I see Amanda every single day at school; she still has the same personality, and being the funniest person I have ever met. We have grown taller, become smarter and grew apart. But deep down I know we will always remember those hot summer days we played and laughed together. So thank you Amanda, thank you for making my childhood the greatest. 

           
            I love to think about my childhood, it has created who I am today. So with this I say, remember where you came from, it is what molded you into who are today. Your childhood either good or bad has taught you lessons, it may not be hard lessons but it was the beginning of your life.

Good Deeds

         The world has become a cruel place; the environment is bad for us and people are harsh. Long ago, it was easy to hitch hike, easy to ask people for favors and not worry when you leave your doors unlocked.  But as the years progress and the economy becomes unstable, people become stressed and unkind, so much so that it has become difficult to trust anyone. Being able to trust someone is an important trait. Having that feeling of safeness while walking on the side of the road seems unthinkable nowadays. Anything could happen within a short period of time.

            It’s difficult to pick up hitchhikers let alone be one. I’m sure everyone passes hitchhikers daily and you don’t think much of it. But if you pass an elder, you get a sad feeling in your heart, hoping someone driving behind you will pick them up when you don’t.

           

            On Saturday, February 23, my mom, Jaken and I were headed home from her work in Burnside. As we left, we saw a lady hitchhiking with her two young children. As we saw them my mom and I looked at each other, and decided to give them a ride thinking they were not going far. As we pulled over to the side of the road, I asked where they were going and the children said cheerfully,  “We’re going to Winslow!” I was surprised. This lady was walking with her two children in the cold to a place, which was over 50 miles. My mom and I decided to take them as far as Dilcon, but the kids fell asleep. How could we wake them?  How could we make them walk in the cold again? Well, we couldn’t.

           

            The two kids began chatting and playing with Jaken. They were well behaved, had good manners and they were beautiful. The mother told us they were going to visit her mother in the nursing home. She was very thankful, and she thanked us many times and made thankful comments to the Lord. As we got into Winslow, she and her kids became more and more excited. They ran into the nursing home carrying mutton stew and fry bread they had made at home. We slowly walked inside behind them. The grandma was waiting with the biggest smile on her face. She quickly said hi to us, and thanked us for bringing her children to see her. We decided to visit with my own grandma’s sister, who was also in the same nursing home.  It was already decided that we would also take them home again when they were done visiting.

            As we left the nursing home a couple hours later, the mother of the children asked us to stop to get food for her kids. We bought them food and began our way home. The kids sat quietly, eating. I began talking to the little boy whose name was Trevor and was in the third grade.  The little girl attended Head Start and her name was Tiara. We took them back to their house in Steamboat. The kids said goodbye and the mom thanked us once again.

           

            As we left their house I felt a sense of happiness. I could not imagine the kids walking in the cold to Winslow. I could feel how thankful the mom was for us. It made me think of the challenges people face daily. It was amazing getting to know the kids and making them happy. I’m thankful we made that trip to Burnside in the first place. This was our good deed. So with this I say, please try to make someone’s day by doing something nice for them, their lives may be more challenging than your own.